My doctor scheduled me for a routine colonoscopy and gave me a bunch of literature that contained information telling me what I needed to do to prepare for the procedure.
Five days before the appointment I was to go on a strict diet… no raw vegetables, no salads, no fruit, no meat other than chicken or fish, no corn, no popcorn, no seeds and no nuts… all of which are apparently difficult to digest.
I was doing really well until the night before the colonoscopy when I was sitting at home watching a movie and got the munchies.
I went through my cabinets and found a bag of Almond M&M’s and proceeded to grab a couple handfuls of candy and ate them as I watched the movie on my couch.
As soon as the M&M’s were gone I suddenly panicked when I realized, “Oh shit! Those M&M’s have almonds in them and I’m not supposed to eat nuts for five days before the procedure! My God, what did I just do? I’m in so much trouble!”
All night long I agonized over my stupid mistake.
I kept thinking to myself over and over again, “I can’t believe I ate all those nuts the night before my procedure!… I shouldn’t have eaten those nuts… Why did I eat those damn nuts?”
And I fell asleep thinking, “I hope I don’t get in trouble for eating those nuts.”
When I woke up the first thing I thought was, “Dammit, I ate those nuts last night. I hope the doctor doesn’t get mad at me for eating all those nuts.”
I dwelled on my mistake all the way to the clinic and the last thing on my mind, just before I passed out from the anesthesia was, “I sure hope those damn nuts don’t show up when they do my colonoscopy.”
When the procedure was complete and I came to in the recovery room I noticed that all of the nurses were ignoring me and giving me dirty looks… and when they needed to talk to me or I asked them a question they were rather unfriendly and uncooperative.
After a while my doctor came in to discharge me and I asked him if everything was alright.
He said, “Yes, the procedure went fine and I didn’t see anything to be concerned about but, right after you came out of the anesthesia, while you were groggy and still somewhat ‘out of it,’ for some strange reason you kept yelling at the nurses, ‘Did you see my nuts?’ and ‘Did you people look at my nuts?’ “
Ooooh… that might explain things.