I was never one to look at the ingredients in anything I ever ate but, one day, while I was eating a bag of those red, Swedish Fish candies, I pondered, “How do they make these Swedish Fish taste so good? I wonder what’s in them?”
So I started reading the list of ingredients…
“Let’s see, they contain sugar… corn syrup… corn starch… artificial coloring… and what’s this?… Carnauba wax.”
I thought to myself, “Where have I heard of Carnauba wax before?”
I had an inkling, so I walked into my garage and picked up a bottle of Turtle Wax and read the label.
It said, ‘CARNAUBA WAX… FOR THAT NEW CAR SHINE!’
Wait a second… you’re telling me that, when I eat Swedish Fish, I have been ingesting the same stuff I use to polish my automobile?
Eating car wax can’t be good for you.
Or, then again, maybe it can be….
I can picture my physician, reading the results of my tests on a clipboard, shaking his head in disbelief and saying, “Paul, I don’t know how to explain it, but your ulcer seems to have just… just disappeared… You admitted that you haven’t stopped drinking, laid-off the spicy foods, or done any of the things I told you to do, so it’s hard to believe.”
And I’ll answer with, “It’s not at all surprising, doc. I have been eating a lot of Swedish Fish lately and on the way through me they buffed it out.”
“Interesting. Very interesting… Well, let’s take a look back there… Paul, could you please drop your drawers and bend over with your elbows on the table?”
“Sure doc… So, how’s it look?”
“Wow, that’s amazing! I can see myself in your colon!”
“Thanks for noticing, doc. It’s that car wax I’ve been eating. I simonized it just for you!”
“Ya… Next week I’m gonna swallow a piece of string with my Swedish Fish and see if I can pass a Yankee Candle.”