(sung to the Beatles’ ‘Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds’)

Picture yourself in a Charlie Brown cartoon,

With comic-strip characters in a porno-flick show.

The kids are all grown-up, they’ve turned into perverts,

And do things you don’t want to know...

Snoopy’s in leather,

Charlie’s in drag,

Peppermint Patty’s a bull-dyke,

Then you look at the girl in the ménage-a-trios and you’re shocked…

Oh no it’s…

Lucy and some guy with Linus,

Lucy and some guy with Linus,

Lucy and some guy with Linus,

Ahhhh… ummm… ahhhh… ohhh… this is so wrong…

It’s Lucy and some guy with Linus.

(sung to Bob Dylan’s ‘Like A Rolling Stone’)

In prehistoric time you were in your prime,

You didn’t have a dime, but Wilma didn’t mind,

Didn’t you?…

It’s half-past eight, so don’t be late,

You don’t want to make him wait, ‘cuz he’s Mr. Slate,

Yabba-Dabba-Doo…

You’re with your short friend, his name is Barney Rubble,

Down at the Water Buffalo Lodge, you’re getting into trouble…

Now you drive your car with your feet,

While Pebbles and Bam-Bam are making-out in your back-seat,

And it’s all your fault, Fred, ‘cuz you had to go

 and invent the wheel.

So, how does it feel?

How does it feel, Fred?

To call Bedrock your home,

Your whole world’s made out of stone,

You use a shell for a phone,

Your next meal is a bone,

Because you’re Fred Flintstone…

(harmonica solo)  

(Sung to PIANO MAN by BILLY JOEL )

harmonica:      KEY of C

guitar chords: C    Em    Am   Am+    F    C    Dm    G   (Am+: ring finger on 3^rd fret low E / or use G)

                        C    Em    Am   Am+    F    C

bridge:            Am   Dm

                        Am   Dm   G+  (G+: 3^rd fret low E, then 1^st fret and open)

 harmonica into: FIRST VERSE:

It’s 9:00 on a Saturday,

The comedy crowd shuffles past,

They’re loaded with drinks, so you better not stink,

‘Cuz they’ll yell OUT shit during your act.

abbreviated harmonica into: CHORUS #1:

TELL US A JOKE, YOU’RE THE FUNNY MAN,          

MAKE US LAUGH TILL WE PEE,    

BECAUSE OUR WHOLE WEEK SUCKED, AND WE PAID TWENTY BUCKS,

AND WE COULD BE HOME WATCHING TV.            

directly into: BRIDGE:  Am Dm (instead of “la di da, di di da…”)

laughing…Ha ha ha, ha ha ha… HA HA, HA HA HA… HAHAHA

abbreviated harmonica into: SECOND VERSE:

NOW SOMETIMES AN ASSHOLE WILL HECKLE YOU,

THEIR COURAGE COMES FROM THE BAR,

HE’LL ACT LIKE A JERK, BUT COME MONDAY AT WORK,

HE’LL TELL HIS FRIENDS HE WAS A STAR.

abbreviated harmonica into: CHORUS #2:

SO TELL US A JOKE, MR. FUNNY MAN,

MAKE BEER SHOOT OUT OUR NOSE,

WE PAID GOOD MONEY,  SO YOU BETTER BE FUNNY,

OR WE’LL DO SOMETHING THAT RHYMES WITH "NOSE."

harmonica

You can e-mail Paul D'Angelo at pdangelocomic@aol.com