{"id":956,"date":"2015-06-08T13:34:07","date_gmt":"2015-06-08T13:34:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/?p=956"},"modified":"2015-06-08T13:34:07","modified_gmt":"2015-06-08T13:34:07","slug":"5-the-real-academy-awards","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/5-the-real-academy-awards\/","title":{"rendered":"#5 The Real Academy Awards"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Academy<\/a><\/p>\n

The Real Academy Awards<\/p>\n


\nActors do not impress me.
\nHow hard can it be to act on a TV show or a movie?
\nIf you screw-up your lines the director will say, \u201cLet\u2019s try it again\u2026 Take two\u201d\u2026 or take three\u2026 or four\u2026 or fourteen\u2026 or twenty-seven\u2026 or however many times it takes to get it right\u2026
\nOr he might say, \u201cThat\u2019s OK, we can fix it in post-production\u201d\u2026 or they can do a voice-over\u2026 add special effects\u2026 etc.
\nThere\u2019s no pressure on them to perform.
\nThe actors I respect are everyday people\u2026 like you and me\u2026 who need to lie in real situations and have to be thoroughly convincing the very first time\u2026 people who don\u2019t get a second chance if they flub their lines.
\nReal people who need to be credible because they\u2019re performing live, without a safety net, and have their asses on the line.
\nThey are the true actors who should be honored at an awards ceremony\u2026 not those pampered Hollywood phonies.
\nI can see it now\u2026
\nA tuxedoed host at a podium announces\u2026 \u201cAnd now, it\u2019s my honor to make the presentation of the award for Best Actor or Actress in a Drama\u2026
\n\u201cThe nominees are\u2026
\n\u201cHoward the Coward of Somewhere-or-Another, Nebraska, for his convincing display of bullshit in the classic, \u2018Of course you\u2019re not getting fat, sweetheart. I think the extra weight looks good on you\u2019.\u201d
\n(applause)
\n\u201cOur next nominee is Anita Springerguest from Who-the-Hell-Cares, Ohio, for her compelling late night, bedroom-scene delivery of, \u2018Believe me, I\u2019ve never done this on a first date before\u2019.\u201d
\n(applause)
\n\u201cThe third nominee is Danny Denial of Podunk, Alabama, for his credible enactment in a crowded elevator with a performance of\u2026 (sniff, sniff) \u2018It wasn\u2019t me\u2019!\u201d
\n(applause)
\n\u201cNominee number four is Harry Henpecked of Wherever, California, for his persuasive deception at a cocktail party with the spontaneous fabrication of, \u2018The young girl with the big boobs and the low-cut dress? No, I didn\u2019t notice her, honey\u2026 but I think it\u2019s disgusting\u2019!\u201d
\n(wild applause)
\n\u201cOur fifth contender is Almost Any Defendant of Could-Be-Anyplace, Any-State, in almost any courthouse, for his or her seemingly earnest witness-stand line of, \u2018I swear to tell truth, whole truth and nothing but truth, so help me God\u2019.\u201d
\n(applause)
\n*A-a-a-a-a-and the winner is\u2026\u201d
\n(drum-roll)
\n\u201cNo surprise\u2026 It\u2019s President Barack Obama for deceiving our country with an endless combination of whoppers, starting with\u2026
\n\u2018I promise to have the most transparent administration of any President.\u2019
\n\u2018You can keep your health plan if you want to.\u2019
\n\u2018The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) is not Islamic.\u2019
\n\u2018This is all George Bush\u2019s fault.\u2019
\n\u2018I will never let Iran develop a nuclear bomb on my watch.\u2019
\n\u2018Obamacare will cut the cost of a typical family’s premiums by up to $2,500 a year.\u2019
\nand
\n\u2018I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States\u2019.\u201d
\n(standing ovation)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Real Academy Awards<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,24,29,30,31,32,33,34],"class_list":["post-956","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-paul-dangelo","tag-comedy","tag-humor","tag-academy-awards","tag-oscar","tag-comic","tag-lying","tag-obama"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p614ww-fq","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/956","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=956"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/956\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":957,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/956\/revisions\/957"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=956"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=956"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=956"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}