{"id":912,"date":"2015-05-18T14:27:31","date_gmt":"2015-05-18T14:27:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/?p=912"},"modified":"2015-05-18T14:27:31","modified_gmt":"2015-05-18T14:27:31","slug":"2-be-careful-what-you-wish-for","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/2-be-careful-what-you-wish-for\/","title":{"rendered":"#2 Be Careful What You Wish For"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"bicycle_seat\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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I worked construction on the town\u2019s Water & Sewer Department for five summers when I was in college. Believe me, there was no shortage of characters on that job, among which were a couple of co-workers who could be a little \u2018crude\u2019 at times.
\nI recall one occasion when we were installing a water main on a busy street and a very pretty teenage girl rode past the construction crew on her bicycle.
\nI was working a jackhammer and stopped for a moment to check her out.
\nOne of the older guys, leaning on his shovel, was practically drooling over the cute girl on her bike and remarked, in a creepy, lecherous way, \u201cMan, if I died, I sure would like to come back as her bicycle seat.\u201d
\nI thought that was pretty funny, but I also contemplated how that wish could possibly backfire on him.
\nI imagined this pervert, standing out in the middle of the street and not paying attention to traffic as he leered lustfully at the pretty young girl, mesmerized in fantasy\u2026 and getting struck and killed by a passing car.
\nDarkness.
\nThe next time he opened his eyes, I pictured him looking straight up into the sky and thinking to himself\u2026 \u201cWhere am I? What happened?\u201d
\nHe\u2019d try to look around, only to realize, \u201cI can\u2019t move my head at all. I can only look up. All I can see is the sun and some clouds. What the hell is going on here?\u201d
\nThen, a flashback\u2026
\n\u201cWait, now I remember\u2026 standing next to the trench, the car speeding towards me, getting thrown into the air, hearing the sound of sirens\u2026 then nothing.\u201d
\nHe\u2019d move his eyes up and down, back and forth, in an attempt to view his surroundings.
\n\u201cWait a second. What are those? They look like handlebars\u2026 They ARE<\/em> handlebars. What happened to me? Where the hell am I?\u201d
\nThe next thing he hears is the sweet voice of an innocent young girl\u2026 \u201cYes, that\u2019s my bicycle. I just love riding it. I\u2019m always hopping on it. I take it everywhere.\u201d
\nSuddenly, a revelation.
\n\u201cOh my God, I can\u2019t believe it! Somehow my wish came true! I died and I\u2019ve been reincarnated as that pretty girl\u2019s bicycle seat!
\nHe is psyched.
\n\u201cOh baby, this IS heaven! Come on, you little hottie, take a nice, long ride on daddy\u2019s face. I\u2019m waiting for that adorable little butt of yours, sweet-cheeks! Yum-yum!\u201d
\nThen the girl says, sadly, \u201cYa, I sure love my bike, but I just won\u2019t be needing it anymore, now that I got my driver\u2019s license. I only hope you enjoy it as much as I did, Wally.\u201d
\nThen, out of the corner of his eye, the perv sees some sweaty, obese, pimple-faced, goofy teenage kid picking his nose and hovering over the bike, guffawing, \u201cAwww, cool! And I\u2019m gonna ride it alllllllll<\/em> the time because my parents told me I have to lose some weight\u2026 I\u2019ll just ride it to the Burger King every day! Ha ha ha. Thank you, Heather!\u201d
\nThen he mounts the bike and\u2026 from between his massive, musty, clammy, foul-smelling, ass-cheeks\u2026 the fat kid cannot hear the muted, muffled cries of \u201cNOOO! HELP ME! THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED-UP FOR! GET ME OUT\u2019A HERE!… I CHANGED MY MIND! I WAS JUST KIDDING! IT WAS JUST SOMETHING I SAID!… I\u2019M SUFFOCATING!… THIS FAT KID\u2019S ASS STINKS LIKE A TRUCK-STOP MEN\u2019S ROOM!…<\/em> PLEASE, HELP ME!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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