{"id":1615,"date":"2016-08-15T15:20:13","date_gmt":"2016-08-15T15:20:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/?p=1615"},"modified":"2016-08-15T15:22:17","modified_gmt":"2016-08-15T15:22:17","slug":"33-whether-the-weather","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/33-whether-the-weather\/","title":{"rendered":"#33: Whether the Weather"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Weatherman23\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Do you know what’s a very difficult job?
\nBeing a weatherman in New England.
\nThe weather is always changing and it can be very unpredictable, so they can\u2019t seem to get the forecast right half the time.<\/p>\n


\nMeteorologists now have the benefit of all these advanced technological systems such as sophisticated radar, satellite imaging, complex computer models, and thermal scans\u2026 but it doesn\u2019t matter, because they still don\u2019t have a clue when it comes to predicting the weather and it makes it difficult to make plans with any certainty.
\nI think that I could do a much better job of forecasting the weather because, based on experience, I have a fool-proof system that is guaranteed to work.
\nPlease allow me to demonstrate\u2026
\nExample #1<\/span>:
\n\u201cHi, this is meteorologist Paul D\u2019Angelo with today\u2019s Accu-Weather Forecast.
\n\u201cLet\u2019s take a look the map and see what I have planned for today\u2026
\n\u201dOK, this is where I live, right about here (pointing to map) where I have invited around forty people over my home for a cookout in my backyard this afternoon.
\n\u201cAnd I also have tickets to the Red Sox game tonight and Fenway Park is located (pointing) right over here, only a half hour drive from my home.
\n\u201cBesides that, I not only washed and waxed my car just this morning, but I\u2019m pretty-sure that I forgot to put the back windows up, and that vehicle is parked right around here. (again indicating the location on the map)
\n\u201cSo that pretty much absolutely, positively guarantees that there is a 110% probability of a deluge of torrential downpours throughout the day and into the evening in this very same vicinity (pointing and beginning an angry rant) because that\u2019s what happens every time I try to plan something like this, dammit!<\/em>
\n\u201cNow everybody\u2019s gonna be dragging their muddy feet thru my fucking house, the interior of my car is gonna be flooded, and the Sox game\u2019s gonna be rained out and postponed to a night when I can\u2019t go because I\u2019ll have to work. Trust me, it never fails!! You can count on it! Son of a bitch! I just know it!<\/em>
\n(composing myself) \u201cOK, now back to you, Tom.\u201d
\nExample #2<\/span>:
\n\u201cHi, this is your friendly weatherman Paul D\u2019Angelo with your weekend weather update.
\n\u201cWell, it sure is a dreary, drizzly, damp Saturday in August, but cheer-up people! The nice weather is on its way!
\n\u201cOvernight all of these clouds will be moving out and a warm front is moving in, which means that Sunday is going to be sunny and hot. It will be a perfect day for golfing, boating, or just relaxing on the beach.
\n\u201cAnd how do I know that, you ask?
\n(starting another enraged rant) \u201cI know that because I have to go to some stupid Jack & Jill baby shower for some friggin\u2019 people that I don\u2019t even know! So of course it\u2019s going to be beautiful out!<\/em>
\n\u201cWho the hell plans shit like this on a weekend in August anyway?… Idiots, that\u2019s who!!!<\/em>
\n \u201cAnd why do I have to go?… They don\u2019t care if I\u2019m there! All they want is my damn gift! It\u2019s a big scam, I tell you! A total rip-off! And I\u2019m going to be miserable!\u201d<\/em>
\n(settling down, once again) \u201cNow, let\u2019s go to Bob with the latest sports news\u2026\u201d
\nExample #3<\/span>:
\n\u201cGood evening, this meteorologist Paul D\u2019Angelo with the Channel-4 holiday forecast.
\n\u201cWell, it\u2019s a holiday, and that means I\u2019ll be spending the day with my family\u2026
\n\u201cThis is my mother\u2019s house\u2026 (pointing to map) right here\u2026 and, as usual, you can expect that a massive high-pressure area will be building-up right around my mom\u2019s home whenever the family gets together.
\n\u201cThis change in the atmosphere will cause a few scattered flurries between some members of my family and, of course, these squalls will be immediately followed by an icy, cold blast of frigid, arctic air coming from my mother\u2026 most likely developing into a major tropical depression throughout the house for the remainder of the day.
\n\u201cMeanwhile, grandpa will be sitting in the corner and, from time to time during the day, he\u2019ll be providing us all with an occasional gust of a foul and nasty wind.
\n\u201cAnd that should wrap things up. Have a great holiday weekend!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you know what’s a very difficult job? Being a weatherman in New England. The weather is always changing and it can be very unpredictable, so they can\u2019t seem to … Continue reading #33: Whether the Weather<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,23,24,25,32,69,310,311,312,313,314,315],"class_list":["post-1615","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-paul-dangelo","tag-dangelo","tag-comedy","tag-comedian","tag-comic","tag-paul-dangelo-paul-dangelo-comedy","tag-weather","tag-weatherman","tag-forecast","tag-weather-map","tag-new-england","tag-meteorologist"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p614ww-q3","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1615","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1615"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1615\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1619,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1615\/revisions\/1619"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1615"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1615"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1615"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}