{"id":1591,"date":"2016-06-28T16:58:03","date_gmt":"2016-06-28T16:58:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/?p=1591"},"modified":"2016-06-28T16:58:03","modified_gmt":"2016-06-28T16:58:03","slug":"32-like-you-read-about","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/32-like-you-read-about\/","title":{"rendered":"#32: &#8220;&#8230; like you read about.&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Like-You-Read-About55.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-1592 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Like-You-Read-About55-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"Like You Read About55\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><br \/>\nPeople often repeat traditional phrases that have been handed down through generations without really thinking about what they\u2019re actually saying.<br \/>\nIf they did, they might realize how ridiculous some of these expressions sound.<br \/>\n\u201cIt\u2019s raining cats and dogs.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cNo skin off my nose.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cI got it straight from the horse\u2019s mouth.\u201d<br \/>\nWhen I was living in L.A., I was hanging out with a couple of my buddies one evening when, all of a sudden, my friend Max left in a big hurry without saying a word.<br \/>\nThe next time I saw Max I asked him, \u201cWhere the hell did you go the other night? You just disappeared. Mitch said he saw you make a run for the door.\u201d<br \/>\nMax said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry I took off without saying goodbye, Paul, but I had to take a shit like you read about.\u201d<br \/>\nReally?<br \/>\n\u201c\u2026 a shit <em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">like you read about?\u201d<\/span><\/em><br \/>\nCan I ask a question?<br \/>\nI\u2019m curious. Exactly what kind of publication would report such a story?<br \/>\nI didn\u2019t see anything about it in the morning newspaper the following day.<br \/>\nWhat sort of magazine would feature an editorial discussing the intimate details of Max\u2019s bowel movement?<br \/>\nIs there a periodical called <em>Squirts Illustrated<\/em> that I don\u2019t know about?<br \/>\n<em>Popular Poop?<\/em> <em>Better Homes and Thrones?<\/em> <em>Readers Digestive?<\/em><br \/>\nPerhaps it was a feature article in <em>Big-Dump Monthly<\/em>\u2026 \u2018Read All About It! Max Maxes Out!\u2019<br \/>\nOr maybe I missed it in the \u2018letters and feedback\u2019 segment of <em>Modern Toilet-Sitter, The Gastronomical Gazette<\/em> or <em>B.M. Enthusiast.<\/em><br \/>\nCould Max have discussed his log in a blog?<br \/>\nOr on Twitter while on the shitter?<br \/>\nOr maybe he posted the account of his bathroom escapades on Fecesbook.<br \/>\nEnough?<br \/>\nI don\u2019t want to beat a dead horse because there\u2019s no use crying over spilled milk but,\u00a0make no bones about it, as a rule of thumb you can\u2019t shit your cake and read about it too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,23,24,25,32,69],"class_list":["post-1591","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-paul-dangelo","tag-dangelo","tag-comedy","tag-comedian","tag-comic","tag-paul-dangelo-paul-dangelo-comedy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p614ww-pF","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1591","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1591"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1591\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1593,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1591\/revisions\/1593"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1591"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1591"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1591"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}