{"id":1359,"date":"2016-03-14T13:24:48","date_gmt":"2016-03-14T13:24:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/?p=1359"},"modified":"2016-03-14T13:24:48","modified_gmt":"2016-03-14T13:24:48","slug":"26-thats-nuts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/26-thats-nuts\/","title":{"rendered":"#26: That’s Nuts!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Nuts<\/a>
\nMy doctor scheduled me for a routine colonoscopy and gave me a bunch of literature that contained information telling me what I needed to do to prepare for the procedure.
\nFive days before the appointment I was to go on a strict diet\u2026 no raw vegetables, no salads, no fruit, no meat other than chicken or fish, no corn, no popcorn, no seeds and no nuts\u2026 all of which are apparently difficult to digest.
\nI was doing really well until the night before the colonoscopy when I was sitting at home watching a movie and got the munchies.
\nI went through my cabinets and found a bag of Almond M&M\u2019s and proceeded to grab a couple handfuls of candy and ate them as I watched the movie on my couch.
\nAs soon as the M&M\u2019s were gone I suddenly panicked when I realized, \u201cOh shit!<\/em> Those M&M\u2019s have almonds in them and I\u2019m not supposed to eat nuts for five days before the procedure! My God, what did I just do? I\u2019m in so much trouble!\u201d
\nAll night long I agonized over my stupid mistake.
\nI kept thinking to myself over and over again, \u201cI can\u2019t believe I ate all those nuts the night before my procedure!… I shouldn\u2019t have eaten those nuts\u2026 Why did I eat those damn nuts?\u201d
\nAnd I fell asleep thinking, \u201cI hope I don\u2019t get in trouble for eating those nuts.\u201d
\nWhen I woke up the first thing I thought was, \u201cDammit, I ate those nuts last night. I hope the doctor doesn\u2019t get mad at me for eating all those nuts.\u201d
\nI dwelled on my mistake all the way to the clinic and the last thing on my mind, just before I passed out from the anesthesia was, \u201cI sure hope those damn nuts don\u2019t show up when they do my colonoscopy.\u201d
\nWhen the procedure was complete and I came to in the recovery room I noticed that all of the nurses were ignoring me and giving me dirty looks\u2026 and when they needed to talk to me or I asked them a question they were rather unfriendly and uncooperative.
\nAfter a while my doctor came in to discharge me and I asked him if everything was alright.
\nHe said, \u201cYes, the procedure went fine and I didn\u2019t see anything to be concerned about but, right after you came out of the anesthesia, while you were groggy and still somewhat \u2018out of it,\u2019 for some strange reason you kept yelling at the nurses, ‘Did you see my nuts?’<\/em> and ‘Did you people look at my nuts?’ “<\/em>
\nOoooh\u2026 that might explain things.
\nSorry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,23,24,25,32,69,207,208,209],"class_list":["post-1359","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-paul-dangelo","tag-dangelo","tag-comedy","tag-comedian","tag-comic","tag-paul-dangelo-paul-dangelo-comedy","tag-colonoscopy","tag-mms","tag-diet"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p614ww-lV","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1359","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1359"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1359\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1362,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1359\/revisions\/1362"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1359"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1359"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1359"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}