{"id":1220,"date":"2015-12-14T15:57:53","date_gmt":"2015-12-14T15:57:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/?p=1220"},"modified":"2015-12-14T15:57:53","modified_gmt":"2015-12-14T15:57:53","slug":"21-pre-hysteric-man-an-excerpt-from-more-stories-to-tell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/21-pre-hysteric-man-an-excerpt-from-more-stories-to-tell\/","title":{"rendered":"#21: Pre-hysteric Man (an excerpt from &#8216;More Stories to Tell&#8217;)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/Prehysteric-Man-2.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-1221 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/Prehysteric-Man-2-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"Prehysteric Man 2\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><br \/>\nI just watched a show about prehistoric man and the beginning of the traditional family unit and wondered what life would have been like for me if I grew-up with my family, thousands and thousands of years ago.<br \/>\nI can picture my mother yelling\u2026<br \/>\n\u201cPaul, clean-up this cave, it\u2019s a mess! Look how dirty the floors are.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cMa, that\u2019s because the floors are made of dirt.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cDon\u2019t get flip with me, young man\u2026 and how many times do I have to tell you, stop writing on the walls!\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cMom, I\u2019m a caveman. That\u2019s what cavemen do.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cThat\u2019s no excuse\u2026 If your friend, Ugh, jumped in a volcano, would you?\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cOnly if it pleased the fire gods, mother.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cAnd look at you\u2026 Stand-up straight, young man! Look at the way you\u2019re slouching.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cMa, loosen-up. It\u2019s not my fault, I\u2019m still evolving!\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cEnough with the excuses\u2026 What are you going to do with your life?\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cWell, I spend much of my time trying to not step in molten lava or get eaten by a scary creature, for starters.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cYou need to do something constructive\u2026 Did you know that my friend Wilma\u2019s son is working on something brand-new called \u2018the wheel?\u2019\u2026 It\u2019s supposed to be the biggest thing since fire!\u201d<br \/>\n(under my breath) <em>\u201cWhoopie-fucking-ding\u2026 the Flintstone boy this\u2026 and the Flintstone boy that\u2026\u201d<\/em><br \/>\n\u201cWhat was that, Paul?\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cNothing mother.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,23,24,25,32,69],"class_list":["post-1220","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-paul-dangelo","tag-dangelo","tag-comedy","tag-comedian","tag-comic","tag-paul-dangelo-paul-dangelo-comedy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p614ww-jG","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1220","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1220"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1220\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1222,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1220\/revisions\/1222"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1220"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1220"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1220"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}