{"id":1147,"date":"2015-10-26T15:42:30","date_gmt":"2015-10-26T15:42:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/?p=1147"},"modified":"2015-11-01T16:52:35","modified_gmt":"2015-11-01T16:52:35","slug":"18-high-crimes-and-misdemeanors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/18-high-crimes-and-misdemeanors\/","title":{"rendered":"#18: High Crimes and Misdemeanors"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"High<\/a><\/p>\n


\nMy friend Cliff was having a party at his house for one of the Patriots games when, right in the middle of the game, another one of our friends walked in, totally unannounced, along with his two young boys. One of the boys was about eleven or twelve years old, the other was in his early teens.
\nWhile everyone was greeting the new arrivals I saw a horrified look come over Cliff\u2019s face, then I watched him bolt into his kitchen, take a pan of brownies off the stove, and secretly bury it deep underneath one of the kitchen cabinets.
\nOur friend and his kids didn\u2019t stay that long and right after they left I asked Cliff, \u201cWhat was going on with that tray of brownies I saw you scrambling to hide?\u201d
\nCliff said, \u201cI made them last night, Paul. They\u2019re \u2018special\u2019 brownies.\u201d
\n\u201cSpecial<\/em> brownies?\u201d
\n\u201cYa, Paul\u2026 you know, \u2018special\u2019 brownies,\u201d he said, raising his eyebrows.
\n\u201cOhhhh, I get it. \u2018Special\u2019 brownies\u2026 And you didn\u2019t want the boys to eat \u2018em by mistake.\u201d
\n\u201cExactly.\u201d
\n\u201cGood move, Cliff. That could have been a disaster.\u201d
\n\u201cNo shit.\u201d
\nWow, that was a close call. If Cliff hadn\u2019t ditched the \u201cspecial\u201d brownies I pictured myself running into our mutual friend at a later date and having a very discomfiting conversation\u2026
\n\u201cYou have a nice family. Did your boys have fun at Cliff\u2019s place?\u201d
\n\u201cYa, they did, Paul, but I still don\u2019t know what the hell got into them when we got home that night.\u201d
\n\u201cWhy do you say that?\u201d
\n\u201cThey were both acting really weird.\u201d
\nI imagined an alarming thought popping into my head and asking, with great trepidation, \u201cUhhhhhh, y-your kids didn\u2019t, uh, by any chance eat any of those brownies that were sitting on the stove, did they?\u201d
\n\u201cThe brownies on Cliff\u2019s stove? Ya, I gave a couple brownies to the boys, why?\u201d
\n\u201cJust wondering, that\u2019s all\u2026 Ummm, um, I\u2019m just curious, what was so weird? How were the kids acting after you left the party?\u201d
\nI then envisioned him responding with, \u201cIt was the strangest thing, Paul, because I can never, ever get those kids to eat, they refuse to eat, they fight us every meal\u2026 but as soon as we walked into the house last night, the two of them cleaned out absolutely everything we had in our refrigerator and, when that wasn\u2019t enough, then they started rummaging through the cabinets looking for more food.\u201d
\n\u201cNo kidding?\u201d
\n\u201cYa, and they couldn\u2019t stop giggling the whole time\u2026 they were acting very silly. It was getting ridiculous. They just kept giggling.\u201d
\nI visualized myself wiping sweat from my brow and reacting nervously\u2026 \u201cYou don\u2019t say?\u201d
\n\u201cYa, and that\u2019s not all, Paul\u2026 A little later on, my wife and I were cleaning up in the kitchen and we realized that the kids were being awfully quiet, so she said, \u2018You should go check on the boys\u2019\u2026
\n\u201cI walked into the family room and found the two boys slumped on the couch with their headphones on, stuffing their faces with cheese curls, and watching cartoons with the volume off while they listened to the soundtrack from Dark Side of the Moon<\/em>\u2026 Just weird\u2026 Why do you ask, Paul?\u201d
\n\u201cAhhhh, no reason\u2026 No reason at all.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,25,32,37,69],"class_list":["post-1147","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-paul-dangelo","tag-comedian","tag-comic","tag-patriots","tag-paul-dangelo-paul-dangelo-comedy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p614ww-iv","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1147","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1147"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1147\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1162,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1147\/revisions\/1162"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1147"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1147"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1147"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}