{"id":1085,"date":"2015-09-21T15:00:45","date_gmt":"2015-09-21T15:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/?p=1085"},"modified":"2015-09-21T15:00:45","modified_gmt":"2015-09-21T15:00:45","slug":"17-wax-on-wax-off","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/17-wax-on-wax-off\/","title":{"rendered":"#17: Wax On, Wax Off"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/swedishfish-3.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-1086\" src=\"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/swedishfish-3-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"swedishfish 3\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><!--more--><br \/>\nI was never one to look at the ingredients in anything I ever ate but, one day, while I was eating a bag of those red, Swedish Fish candies, I pondered, \u201cHow do they make these Swedish Fish taste so good? I wonder what\u2019s in them?\u201d<br \/>\nSo I started reading the list of ingredients\u2026<br \/>\n\u201cLet\u2019s see, they contain sugar\u2026 corn syrup\u2026 corn starch\u2026 artificial coloring\u2026 and what\u2019s this?&#8230; Carnauba wax.\u201d<br \/>\nCarnauba wax?<br \/>\nI thought to myself, \u201cWhere have I heard of Carnauba wax before?\u201d<br \/>\nI had an inkling, so I walked into my garage and picked up a bottle of Turtle Wax and read the label.<br \/>\nIt said, \u2018CARNAUBA WAX\u2026 FOR THAT NEW CAR SHINE!\u2019<br \/>\nWait a second\u2026 you\u2019re telling me that, when I eat Swedish Fish, I have been ingesting the same stuff I use to polish my automobile?<br \/>\nEating car wax can\u2019t be good for you.<br \/>\nOr, then again, maybe it can be\u2026.<br \/>\nI can picture my physician, reading the results of my tests on a clipboard, shaking his head in disbelief and saying, \u201cPaul, I don\u2019t know how to explain it, but your ulcer seems to have just\u2026 just <em>disappeared<\/em>\u2026 You admitted that you haven\u2019t stopped drinking, laid-off the spicy foods, or done any of the things I told you to do, so it\u2019s hard to believe.\u201d<br \/>\nAnd I\u2019ll answer with, \u201cIt\u2019s not at all surprising, doc. I have been eating a lot of Swedish Fish lately and on the way through me they buffed it out.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cInteresting. Very interesting\u2026 Well, let\u2019s take a look back there\u2026 Paul, could you please drop your drawers and bend over with your elbows on the table?\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cSure doc\u2026 So, how\u2019s it look?\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cWow, that\u2019s amazing! I can see myself in your colon!\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cThanks for noticing, doc. It\u2019s that car wax I\u2019ve been eating. I simonized it just for you!\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cIncredible.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cYa\u2026 Next week I\u2019m gonna swallow a piece of string with my Swedish Fish and see if I can pass a Yankee Candle.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,23,24,25,32,76,77],"class_list":["post-1085","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-paul-dangelo","tag-dangelo","tag-comedy","tag-comedian","tag-comic","tag-swedish-fish","tag-wax"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p614ww-hv","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1085","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1085"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1085\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1087,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1085\/revisions\/1087"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1085"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1085"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1085"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}