{"id":1071,"date":"2015-08-31T12:52:44","date_gmt":"2015-08-31T12:52:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/?p=1071"},"modified":"2015-08-31T12:52:44","modified_gmt":"2015-08-31T12:52:44","slug":"15-birds-on-a-wire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/15-birds-on-a-wire\/","title":{"rendered":"#15: Birds on a Wire"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Birds<\/a><\/p>\n

Birds on a Wire
\nAnimals are better than human beings.
\nHave you ever seen hundreds and hundreds of birds perched side-by-side on a telephone wire?
\nYou\u2019ll notice that they are all getting along peacefully\u2026 balanced in harmony on a thin chord stretched between two telephone poles.
\nHumans could never, ever get along like that.<\/p>\n


\nRight away, many of the people would accidently fall off of the wire because they\u2019re totally mesmerized by whatever happens to be on their cell phones and are totally oblivious to the world around them.
\nEnvironmentalists will condemn the wire as an affront to the earth and will do everything they can to have it taken down\u2026 even if it comes at the expense of the people who are on it.
\nAll of the drunks and drug addicts would be falling off the wire, instead of falling off the wagon.
\nFights would break-out between the Arabs and the Jews \u2026 the blacks and the police\u2026 \u2026 the feminists and the pro-lifers\u2026 the haves and the have-nots\u2026 Red Sox fans and Yankee fans… knocking even more people off of the wire.
\nThe hawks and the doves would be fighting over whether or not they should fight.
\nTerrorists would be constantly trying to find new ways to cut the wire and kill everyone on it.
\nIllegal aliens would be sneaking onto the wire at one end, crowding everyone who had originally been there, down at the other end of the wire.
\nThe Democrats would be trying to push all the Republicans off the wire to make more room for the illegal immigrants.
\nThe Republicans would be desperately trying to shove the Democrats off the line before they ruin the wire for everyone else.
\nThe liberals would be trying to take away space on the wire that others had worked hard for, and redistribute it to those who did absolutely nothing to earn the perch for themselves, but feel it\u2019s owed them.
\nThe conservatives would be trying their best to shake-off those illegal aliens that are overrunning the other end of the wire.
\nDonald Trump would be looking to buy the wire and convert it into a very narrow, multi-story office building.
\nHilary Clinton would deny that there is a telephone wire, or ever was a telephone wire, even though it\u2019s painfully obvious to everyone that she\u2019s balanced upon it as she\u2019s speaking.
\nThe mainstream media will back her up.
\nBruce, now Caitlyn, Jenner will have a difficult time deciding if he\/she should stand on top of the wire, or dangle from it.
\nUnderachieving kids who fall off on their own, because they\u2019re too clumsy to stay on the phone line, will be given participation trophies anyway to celebrate their failure\u2026 thus perpetuating the problem.
\nLawyers would be suing the phone company because one or another of their clients did something stupid and\/or careless and fell off the telephone wire because, of course, it couldn\u2019t possibly be their own fault.
\nNo matter what, two thirds of the people on the wire would now be considered overweight and the wire would eventually give out, knocking off everyone who still remains.
\nOn the way down, Obama will find a way to blame George Bush for the wire\u2019s collapse.
\nSo, after a short period of time, they\u2019d be no more wire and no one left to sit on it.
\nThen we\u2019ll have to start all over again, from the beginning\u2026 back to a time long before telephone poles and wires.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Birds on a Wire Animals are better than human beings. Have you ever seen hundreds and hundreds of birds perched side-by-side on a telephone wire? You\u2019ll notice that they are … Continue reading #15: Birds on a Wire<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,23,24,25,32],"class_list":["post-1071","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-paul-dangelo","tag-dangelo","tag-comedy","tag-comedian","tag-comic"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p614ww-hh","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1071","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1071"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1071\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1073,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1071\/revisions\/1073"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1071"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1071"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1071"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}