{"id":1049,"date":"2015-08-10T14:24:16","date_gmt":"2015-08-10T14:24:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/?p=1049"},"modified":"2015-08-10T14:24:16","modified_gmt":"2015-08-10T14:24:16","slug":"13-talking-gps","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/13-talking-gps\/","title":{"rendered":"#13: Talking GPS"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"GPS\"<\/a>Talking GPS<\/p>\n


\nI had an old girlfriend with an ex-husband who was a real pain in the ass and made our lives difficult on a regular basis.
\nThere were numerous times when he\u2019d be four or five hours late to pick up his son, or he wouldn\u2019t show up at all, and it would ruin all our plans for the day.
\nThere were also quite a few occasions when her ex would claim, for one lame reason or another, that he couldn\u2019t drop his son off, so I would have to go and pick the kid up at his house, which was at least a 45-50 minute drive each way and a bitch to get to.
\nOne Sunday afternoon I was relaxed and watching a football game at my girlfriend\u2019s home when, right in the middle of the game, she got a call from the ex-husband.
\nI knew it was him because I could hear her getting angry and arguing on the phone until she eventually slammed the phone down and muttered a few choice words under her breath.
\nI said, \u201cNow what?\u201d
\nShe answered, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Paul, but I need you to pick up my son at my ex\u2019s house.\u201d
\nI was furious. \u201cYou gotta be shitting me! Not again\u2026 He\u2019s supposed to drop him off. What\u2019s his excuse this time?\u201d
\nShe said, \u201cHe says his car broke down and it won\u2019t start.\u201d
\nI barked, \u201cThat\u2019s bullshit!… That son of a bitch did it to me again. I really wanted to watch this football game!\u201d\u2026 but, reluctantly, I put on my coat and grabbed my keys.
\nMy girlfriend knew I was pissed-off and said, \u201cI feel really bad about this, Paul\u2026 but I\u2019ll come with you and keep you company for the ride.\u201d
\nWhen we got into my car, my girlfriend said, \u201cI\u2019ll give you the directions to my ex\u2019s house.\u201d
\nI started the car and said, \u201cI don\u2019t need directions to his place. I\u2019ve had to cover his ass so many times I programmed your ex\u2019s address into my GPS.\u201d
\nSo we followed the GPS instructions as we headed to her ex-husband\u2019s home\u2026
\nThe robotic voice on the navigator said, \u201cTake Route 62 west to Route 93 North.\u201d<\/em>
\nLater the voice instructed me, \u201cIn one mile take exit 22B.\u201d<\/em>
\nA little later we were directed to \u201cBear left at such-and-such street\u201d<\/em> followed by a command to \u201cTake a right at so-and-so street and continue 7\/10ths of a mile.\u201d<\/em>
\nThen, as we got close to our destination, the GPS announced\u2026
\n\u201cArriving at Asshole\u2019s House.\u201d<\/em>
\nI was so embarrassed!
\n\u201cOoops, I am soooo sorry\u2026 I totally forgot that I did that!\u201d
\nShe laughed and said, \u201cThat\u2019s OK\u2026 I agree.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Talking GPS<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,24,25,32,68],"class_list":["post-1049","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-paul-dangelo","tag-comedy","tag-comedian","tag-comic","tag-gps"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p614ww-gV","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1049","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1049"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1049\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1052,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1049\/revisions\/1052"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1049"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1049"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdangelo.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1049"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}