'A FINE MESS'
Created and written by Paul J. Murphy (D'Angelo)
The following is a SHORT synopsis of the pilot episode
The show begins in Paul Murphys suburban-Boston marriage-counseling office. As the camera pans his best-selling relationship books (Wedded Bliss For Dummies; Endless Honeymoon; Relentless Love; Mr. & Mrs. Right: Till Death Do Us Part and Every Day Can Be Valentines Day) we hear Paul counseling a quarreling couple, the wealthy and dashing Preston Ramsey III and his hot, young trophy-wife, Tiffany, expertly advising them not to do anything impulsive which they might later regret. Tiffany remarks that she has read all of Pauls books and knows that he and his wife Patty were high-school sweethearts who got married right after Patty got pregnant on the night of their senior prom, then Patty helped put Paul through college and law school before he became a relatively-famous relationship-guru whose ideal marriage to Patty was an inspiration to all of his loyal fans and clients.
Cut to Paul & Patty getting obnoxiously
drunk and beginning to argue while vacationing in
When they return home and break the news to their daughter, Cathy is only shocked that they have lasted this long, enlightening her parents with examples of the deteriorating marriage which they were oblivious to. Her suggestion to avoid this quandary by remarrying is not met with enthusiasm by either parent. Meanwhile, nosy Gladys Kravitz-like next-door neighbor, sleazy divorce-attorney Sonny Swift, is peering into the Murphys home through binoculars and a large telescope, hoping to catch them fighting so he can bring-down the man who is ruining his business. While his wife Gladys is engrossed in one of Pauls books, slimy Sonny resorts to sending piles of perfume-soaked and lipstick-smeared Valentines Day cards signed Guess who?
Cut to Patty accompanying her hypochondriac, widowed mother, Pat Sr., to the doctors office. Before Patty can break the bad news to her mom, she is reminded for at least the 100th time that her mother stayed in a miserable marriage to her rotten S.O.B. dad for forty years solely for her two daughters sake and, guilt-ridden, Patty wisely keeps it to herself then proceeds to exhibit her frank and intimidating bull in a china-shop demeanor that can only serve to aggravate and perpetuate the Murphys awkward predicament.
Meanwhile, at a local bar, Pauls lifelong
best-friend, Buddy Gleason commiserates with his distraught pal over the
stunning news
but, while attempting to empathize with Paul, Buddys
repeated references to the fact that Patty is the first and only
girl that Paul has ever been with,
triggers Paul to subconsciously start whistling Ding
Dong The Witch Is Dead to himself without realizing it. When Buddy, taken by
surprise, points this out, Paul, at first reluctant to admit it, becomes
absolutely ecstatic about the prospect of being a free man for the first time in
his entire adult life! In Pauls initial euphoria, he proposes that Buddy
throw him a bachelor party, but defers when he admits that he is still
afraid of incurring Pattys wrath. While contemplating a way out of this
unenviable living arrangement, Paul has the bright idea of pillaging the
precarious marriage of the super-rich, but hopelessly incompatible, Ramseys by
inviting them to dinner and setting-up Patty with
Paul returns home moments after delivery men have dropped-off Pattys latest impulse-buy, a very-expensive, life-sized statue, but bites his tongue so he can sell Patty on his match-making scheme, making it appear that he is doing her a huge favor. Patty reluctantly agrees, but suspects something fishy.
On the evening of the dinner party, Paul & Patty have started to feud before the Ramseys even arrive, while the prying Sonny Swift peers through his binoculars, wondering what the hell could be going on next-door. The dinner date goes from bad to worse as the bickering Paul & Patty make each other jealous and self-sabotage the evening. Meanwhile, a worked-up Sonny witnesses the fiasco from a distance and begs his disbelieving wife to see for herself that the perfect couple is not getting along, but Gladys has had it with Sonnys antics and refuses to miss her favorite TV show for such nonsense. Upon returning from a heated argument in the kitchen, Paul & Patty find Preston & Tiffany in a passionate embrace. The Ramseys break into applause in admiration of Paul's "genius" for his "brilliant scheme" of pretending to fight with his lovely wife and act like "total fools" so that his clients would realize how foolish they were to quarrel. The stunned Murphys can only watch as Preston & Tiffany hurry out the door to be alone with each other.
By the time Gladys
finally takes a look through the field-glasses, Paul & Patty are on the
front-steps of their home, bidding the Ramseys goodbye and hugging each other
like newlyweds as they acknowledge that their long history together would
be hard to overcome
that is, until Patty finally recognizes the song that
Paul has been whistling for the last couple days and proceeds to beat him up as
Sonny looks-on in exasperation.
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