'A FINE MESS'

                                                                 Created and written by Paul J. Murphy (D'Angelo)

                                    

                                            The following is a SHORT synopsis of the pilot episode

The show begins in Paul Murphy’s suburban-Boston marriage-counseling office. As the camera pans his best-selling relationship books (Wedded Bliss For Dummies; Endless Honeymoon; Relentless Love; Mr. & Mrs. Right: Till Death Do Us Part and Every Day Can Be Valentines Day) we hear Paul counseling a quarreling couple, the wealthy and dashing Preston Ramsey III and his hot, young trophy-wife, Tiffany, expertly advising them not to do anything “impulsive” which they might later regret. Tiffany remarks that she has read all of Paul’s books and knows that he and his wife Patty were high-school sweethearts who got married right after Patty got pregnant on the night of their senior prom, then Patty helped put Paul through college and law school before he became a relatively-famous relationship-guru whose “ideal” marriage to Patty was an inspiration to all of his loyal fans and clients. 

Cut to Paul & Patty getting obnoxiously drunk and beginning to argue while vacationing in Cancun, Mexico. Later, while sitting on the hotel bed with massive hangovers, we learn that, in their drunken state, Paul and Patty had procured a “quickie” Mexican divorce, causing Paul to lament the inevitable loss of his lucrative practice. Patty retorts, “That’s your problem,” but Paul points-out that it is their problem because, without his reputation and the resulting income, there will be no way to maintain their upper-middle-class lifestyle,  support Patty’s insatiable shopping obsession and put their two spoiled children through college. Paul & Patty agree to maintain the image of a happily-married couple until they come up with a solution, but fear the devastating effect the divorce will have on their children. 

When they return home and break the news to their daughter, Cathy is only shocked that they have lasted this long, enlightening her parents with examples of the deteriorating marriage which they were oblivious to. Her suggestion to avoid this quandary by remarrying is not met with enthusiasm by either parent. Meanwhile, nosy Gladys Kravitz-like next-door neighbor, sleazy divorce-attorney Sonny Swift, is peering into the Murphy’s home through binoculars and a large telescope, hoping to catch them fighting so he can bring-down the man who is ruining his business. While his wife Gladys is engrossed in one of Paul’s books, slimy Sonny resorts to sending piles of perfume-soaked and lipstick-smeared Valentine’s Day cards signed “Guess who?” 

Cut to Patty accompanying her hypochondriac, widowed mother, Pat Sr., to the doctor’s office. Before Patty can break the bad news to her mom, she is reminded for at least the 100th time that her mother stayed in a miserable marriage to her rotten S.O.B. dad for forty years solely for her two daughters’ sake and, guilt-ridden, Patty wisely keeps it to herself… then proceeds to exhibit her frank and intimidating “bull in a china-shop” demeanor that can only serve to aggravate and perpetuate the Murphys’ awkward predicament. 

Meanwhile, at a local bar, Paul’s lifelong best-friend, Buddy Gleason commiserates with his distraught pal over the stunning news… but, while attempting to empathize with Paul, Buddy’s repeated references to the fact that Patty is the first and only girl that Paul has ever been with, triggers Paul to subconsciously start whistling Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead to himself without realizing it. When Buddy, taken by surprise, points this out, Paul, at first reluctant to admit it, becomes absolutely ecstatic about the prospect of being a free man for the first time in his entire adult life! In Paul’s initial euphoria, he proposes that Buddy throw him a “bachelor party,” but defers when he admits that he is still afraid of incurring Patty’s wrath. While contemplating a way out of this unenviable living arrangement, Paul has the bright idea of pillaging the precarious marriage of the super-rich, but hopelessly incompatible, Ramseys by inviting them to dinner and setting-up Patty with Preston while he romances his sexy little wife. 

Paul returns home moments after delivery men have dropped-off Patty’s latest impulse-buy, a very-expensive, life-sized statue, but bites his tongue so he can sell Patty on his match-making scheme, making it appear that he is doing her a huge favor. Patty reluctantly agrees, but suspects something fishy. 

On the evening of the dinner party, Paul & Patty have started to feud before the Ramseys even arrive, while the prying Sonny Swift peers through his binoculars, wondering what the hell could be going on next-door. The dinner date goes from bad to worse as the bickering Paul & Patty make each other jealous and self-sabotage the evening. Meanwhile, a worked-up Sonny witnesses the fiasco from a distance and begs his disbelieving wife to “see for herself” that the “perfect” couple is not getting along, but Gladys has had it with Sonny’s antics and refuses to miss her favorite TV show for such nonsense. Upon returning from a heated argument in the kitchen, Paul & Patty find Preston & Tiffany in a passionate embrace. The Ramseys break into applause in admiration of Paul's "genius" for his "brilliant scheme" of pretending to fight with his lovely wife and act like "total fools" so that his clients would realize how foolish they were to quarrel. The stunned Murphys can only watch as Preston & Tiffany hurry out the door to be alone with each other. 

By the time Gladys finally takes a look through the field-glasses, Paul & Patty are on the front-steps of their home, bidding the Ramseys goodbye and hugging each other “like newlyweds” as they acknowledge that their long history together would be hard to overcome… that is, until Patty finally recognizes the song that Paul has been whistling for the last couple days and proceeds to beat him up as Sonny looks-on in exasperation.  

 

 

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